Today, I quit my job. I have worked as a business analyst for about a year, and I liked it. I like my company, I like my commute, I like my salary I like my co-workers. But today, I looked my bosses in the face and told them I was putting in my two weeks notice.
“Do you have a new job?” they asked.
“No, ” I answered.
“So what are you going to do?”
“I’m going to be a writer,” I told them. And that is the first time I have ever looked someone in the eye and told them out loud. And it was terrifying!
I knew I was going to leave my job eventually. I had visions of myself running in the mornings, writing in the afternoons. I just figured I wouldn’t do it yet. Then these past two weeks after the idea of just starting a blog crossed my mind, I have been flooded with ideas on writing topics. I can barely focus at work now, because all I am thinking about is writing and what I want to write. My gut is telling me if I want to be a writer as badly as I keep telling myself I do, the time is NOW and I have to go and do it.
I know what you’re probably thinking. But Bri, you’re only 22! You don’t have much saved, and in this economy jobs aren’t so easy to come by. Have you ever even written anything before? Do you have anything lined up? Why don’t you just stay in your current job, and apply to something on the side and play it safe? Why do I think that’s what you’re thinking? Because that’s what all my co-workers, relatives, and friends have been telling me. Guess what I think about it? I don’t care. YOUR FEARS ARE NOT MY FEARS, SO STOP TRYING TO MAKE THEM MY FEARS. Security in a job is great, but security wasn’t enough to wake me up excited everyday. Writing is.
My fear is waking up in 40 years to a safe life, and never doing anything I wanted to do. I know I will find something soon and great. I like to not know exactly what I’m doing the next. I don’t want a set in stone plan, I want to follow my gut and my inner guidance and trust it. I spent the last few weeks thinking of my future in my company. Did I want to be my boss when I got older? Did I want my bosses life and job? NO. I didn’t. I want to live the life of my dreams, and I’m going to do it.
Now, back to the fears others keep throwing at me. Am I angry about it? No. I understand. I think that it is easier for people to stay where they are most of the time, because they get used to it. This goes for everything! Whether you’re used to being happy all the time and one day you’re so devastated and you don’t know what to do, or you’re used to drinking coffee everyday and have to stop, or you’re used to running 5 miles a day and suddenly break your leg and don’t know what to do with the time. Change is work but habits are effortless. So I believe that people stay in their habits because it’s familiar and easy, and they like the reassurance of others doing the same. I, however, have never been great at sticking to things I hate because they’re easy. Some people might call me a quitter, but I call myself a believer. I am selective in what I want to spend my time doing. If it doesn’t bring me joy, I don’t care how many people are doing it, or want me to do it, it doesn’t serve me anymore and I am going to let it go like I’m holding onto a flaming coal. I trust my instincts, and the more I can trust it without being blinded by fears others want to place on me, the more I can thrive.
Gabrielle Bernstein has a quote that goes “fear is the resistance to what you desire.” How do I know I made the right choice? Because exactly after I told my boss I quit, I went on Instagram and that quote was on her story. I believe in signs, and I believe that this was mine. Fear is never going to help me, whether it is mine or somebody else’s.