I cried three times today, and I’m not even sad. Today was just one of those days where a lot of past emotions caught up to me. I am leaving my job next week, and had to say goodbye to some people today, my old boss being one of them. My old boss was an angel sent to me, after my original boss (I’m now on my third at the same job lol) was fired for having a bad attitude. He made me absolutely love my job and my company, and I didn’t know he was leaving today. He left for the airport when I went to the bathroom, and I didn’t even know he was leaving! Like a movie, I rushed into the elevator and ran around the entire building, but I missed him. He was gone, and I didn’t get to say goodbye. And I cried. At work. For the first time, right before I’m about to leave. What a charming last memory they will have.
This then brought up some old emotions, which is why I am actually writing this post. There had been some people I had worked with when I first started at my current job that were the human equivalents to dark clouds. They were mean, rude, condescending, and there were a lot of problems with them. Being the naive recent graduate I was when I started work, I assumed people in the work place had to always be professional, respectful and nice. I was quickly proven wrong. This post is not to complain about those people. Complaining gets me nowhere. This post is to thank them. You’re thanking people who were mean to you everyday for months? Yes, I am. But why? Because I think they were brought into my life for a reason, to be my emotional trainers. And if I can’t learn how to react to people who upset me, then I can’t have control over my life. I need to be able to calm my emotions, and if no one ever tests them, they won’t be able to get stronger.
So today, after saying goodbye to my beloved Old Boss (Boss #2 for those who are counting), I started thinking about Boss #1 and Dark Cloud Co-Worker#1. And you know what I did ? I started arguing with them in my mind! I was telling them OFF! Telling them how rude they were, how ashamed they should be, imagining telling others how right I was for being so mad at them. Then it struck me, they weren’t part of my life anymore, why was I even giving any thought to them? Then, this Neville Goddard quote popped into my mind: “For to think feelingly of mistakes of the past is to re-infect yourself.”
These people are gone from my life (#blessed) so why am I letting them still upset me? I find I do this from time to time, whether I’m thinking of an ex-best friend (one tried to kill my dog OK), past boyfriends, schoolmates, etc. I liked to fight with people who have wronged me in my head. This is an outright WASTE OF MY ENERGY. I already know I’m soooo justified to feel the way I do, so who am I trying to convince with my imaginary arguments? I gain nothing from this! So I asked myself does this thought serve me? If the answer is no, then I refuse to keep thinking it. And all these fake arguments DON’T serve me. Like Neville says, they are just putting more negative energy into my future because I’m feeling it now. I found asking myself if the thought served me immediately calmed me down and “snapped” me out of my negative mind spiral. Changing my thinking is tricky, yes, but by asking myself that question I can realize how dumb it is to waste any of my mental energy getting upset about something that is over. Going forward, I chose to think better, and I’m glad I have this tool of asking myself if it’s worth the energy dip to put me back on a higher vibration.